Cultivating a Healthy Relationship under pressure
There are times when we have to say, “No” to our kids. This could be the hardest thing any parent has to face is confronting our kids on their stuff. Let me tell you. I often find myself getting in battles with my husband on who wants to be the bad guy. It’s hard standing up to them. I can’t say it was easier when they were little toddlers compared to these tough teenage years. When you take away something that they are overindulging in or flat out disciplining them. What seems to be looming over your head is, “Are my words and sometimes empty threats falling on deaf ears?”
Psst-Yes, this is hurting me more than it’s hurting you. But, how do you effectively confront your teenager on their stuff all while maintaining a healthy relationship….
There has been several incidents that has happened lately. Which has made me want to pull my hair out! Those of you who have survived it or who are going through totally understand where I’m coming from. The terrible two’s have nothing on the rebellious teen years. My momma tried to warn me. Raising teenagers in these days and times are no joke. I think I am getting in return every sleepless night and conflicting attitude turned right back on me.
I’m not giving the fluff of it. I’m just giving you the REAL. We are facing the ever lazy teenager tendencies. When you have them clean their room. You find that it goes right back to how you found it within days. The ungrateful teenager where they expect for you to chauffeur them to some social event. But, when it is time for them to give you come up with nothing. You may be facing the rebellious teenager. Where they are following the music, latest trends and culture that is speaking to them. They maybe following right behind it believing the lies they are being fed by the media. They are convinced that the less you wear is more. As they try to be as sexy as the Rhianna’s and Beyonce’s they see in the music videos.
Wheww! It’s enough to make you tired as you try to keep up with all of it…
I know as parents we want to control everything. We must be the silent guider. As teenagers they want to think that they are grown. And, they have a say in the decisions that they are making. But, the truth is as we are silently directing their steps in a better direction. You give them a little freedom not much. You have to wait and see how they react to the constructive freedom you lead them in.
We should first acknowledge the following in working towards cultivating a healthy relationship when under pressure.
Allow A Generous Margin of Mistakes
You know they are going to fall. It’s just a matter of when and how it may take place the next time. It was hard for me but, you have to begin to let go. We can’t control their every move and decision. As much as we would like to be in control. We are not! All we can do is begin to trust what we have instilled in them will be working in them when temptation comes on them. And, you know it will…
Maintain Consistency in Your Message
It is so hard to do but, we have to tame that tongue. We are praising them one minute and tearing them down with our words the next minute. I am guilty of it myself. After disciplining them and you just may lose control. You may feel a tinge of guilt of the words that spewed out of your mouth. In James 3:10, It says, “out of the same mouth cometh forth blessing and cursing.” Take a few breaths and step away before your anger speaks before gathering what you want to say out of your heart.
Seek togetherness but encourage individuality
I try to at least arrange one family gathering at least once a month. In a perfect world, it would happen more often. But, with a family a five you have to get creative in how we entertain and spend time with one another. If we could sit down and eat a meal together at the same time once a week. It would be a small miracle. Once, you are together encourage the uniqueness of each individual personality. Avoid pointing out each other’s weaknesses. Showcase the uniqueness of each family member.
“There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men.”
– 1 Corth. 12:4-6
These are just some of the points of wisdom. I’ve learned along the way. I can’t say that I am perfect at each and every one of them. But, self-awareness is the first step and the key to making things better.
In a blended family, you are working through so many small nuances in trying to make the wheel of family turn smoothly. It can be darn near impossible. But, nothing is impossible without the help of God by your side. He can work through every disagreement, personality mismatch and conflict known to man.
You will find that when the temptation arises. When they are faced with the pressures of their friends, the media and the culture that surrounds them. When your patience is getting thin. You believe that you are losing this battle. Just know, when you begin to walk these small principals out you will begin to see a change in their reactions and attitude.
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About Syreeta Gordon
Syreeta Gordon is a mom blogger, virtual assistant, freelance content writer and social media strategist. Her hope is to guide women and families by educating, inspiring, and guiding mothers to make sound decisions in their life’s journey. Where they will receive assistance in guiding them to attain their life’s goal.