Method’s in understanding and confronting family disunity
There are roles that each of us tend to take on when we are in the middle of family disunity. We wonder how and if it would ever change or get better. This is something that has been a reality in our family since the birth of our blended family household. They tend to be the most difficult relationships to try to navigate. I would like to call them the “outside forces” these are the family members that live outside of your four walls. These relationships can be the most trying and difficult. If you are not careful they could seep into the cracks of your happy home. Just like the black slow moving goo from the movie, “The Blob” from back in the day.
As the purpose would be to disturb and nip at your peace. There are methods you can attempt to understand and confront family discord…
There are family skeletons that will hover and hang over your family if it isn’t properly confronted. We would like to ignore the problem. As I usually try to do but to no avail the ghosts from our families past tend to haunt our very present.
The “outside forces” are unaware of their outward behavior that erodes at the very core of unity. They will act as if there is nothing going on. The outward behavior in causing family disconnection is all in your head. I’m here to let you know that you are not crazy.
Over the past four years, we have tried to get the family together for either Thanksgiving or Christmas. But, to no avail it seems to end in an epic failure. So, my mother would gather my daughter and visit my sister side of the family for the last few years. Each and every holiday, we never seem to get together with my mother’s side. At first, this had left me very sad and broken hearted. When I bring it up this situation, I am looked at as the trouble starter. When all I wanted to do was attempt to bring the family together.
It doesn’t help the situation when you know that your side of the family has a dislike for your newly formed family. It’s enough to make you wanna scream! Why is this happening? I searched for answers to understand my side of the family. My husband’s side was always warm and welcoming. But, my side of the family there were heavy forces of rejection. When I found out the truth of the matter. It helps you in not taking it personal.
When I asked God to show me what was going on. He quickly pointed me to the story of Jacob & Esau. The family of Issac & Rebekah had disunity written all over it. Since the conception of the two sons. They were at war with each other even then in the womb. In Genesis 25: 22- It says, “The babies jostled each other within her…” After they were born, the father Issac favored Esau and the mother Rebekah favored Jacob. The father loved him some Esau because he was the burley and manly huntsman. The mother adored Jacob because he was the momma’s boy always up in the kitchen. The two siblings hated each other because one sibling covet the others birthright. This is some family drama for ya!
I’ve read this before but, I just didn’t see as the clearly the underlying sign posts that could keep a family in discord. One major cause was the spiritual differences in the family can be a source of discord and grief. For example, Esau went against his fathers wishes and married outside of the Hebrew bloodline. So, it is safe to say that there wasn’t any family get togethers over at Esau’s house. Because, of Esau’s outward disobedience to his father’s wishes.
All this animosity and favoritism was lurking and spewing that ugly blob mess in the cracks of the families foundation. There are roles that each of us play when dysfunctional leaks into your family foundation. You could be like Rebekah and Isaac engaging in the immature and inappropriate behavior. Which eats away at each family member. You could be the passive one like me. Where you stay silent and allow the inappropriate behavior to continue on.
Either way we must confront these issues. No matter how uncomfortable it may get for the sake of replenishing the family unity. I wouldn’t confront without some prayer before hand. Ask God, to reveal to you how to pray about the situation. Later, you will know how and when it would be the right timing to pull your family members to the side.
Over time you will find..
The change isn’t going to happen overnight. You have to continually approach the situation by covering it with much prayer. The major animosity and dysfunction started way before my family formed. So, you have to mind that these dangerous waters you are treading on will not magnificently change in a blink of an eye. We can’t manipulate are way even if we feel is the right way on people. Just allow God the space to do his work in and through the family disunity.
I just hope and pray…
Overtime, the disunity will be worked out all by God’s perfect timing….
Oh, I am apart of a amazing Blab Talk session taking place this Sunday, May 22nd, 2016 at 8P.M. Est time. So, please sign up today to join in on the conversation as we discuss the importance of self care. As mothers, we constantly take care of everyone else’s needs. But, we tend to forget about how important to take care of our own needs. You can sign up here or click the picture below today.
There is no time like the present for you to walk into what God is calling you to become. It just has to be unveiled.
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About Syreeta Gordon
Syreeta Gordon is a mom blogger, author, freelance content writer and social media strategist that works alongside small businesses, helping them craft their message and build their reputation to broaden audience and create leads. Her passion is to empower women that feel stuck to get out of their own way.