“Navigating feelings of rejection in being a stepmother and winning the battle of discontentment”
Feeling too comfortable in any stage of life can leave you feeling very satisfied. I looked at my kids becoming more self-sufficient in their teen years, marriage beginning to mature and finally beginning to become satisfied in knowing who I am. Yes, the age of forty years is knocking at my door. Even though age is beginning to catch up with me. I started to notice my skin beginning to wrinkle, my knees would ache after a brisk walk and my patience isn’t what it once was in my younger years. It took this long for me to FULLY realize the power and gifting that was inside of me. When you are young you think you know? I began to see an inkling of it in my thirties. You just begin to flow in what you are good at.
However, this season has begun to teach me the secret in becoming the satisfied woman….
Sometimes, God will walk us through uncomfortable times to begin to squeeze out the goodness that we think that we are not capable of becoming. Peace and unrest begins to stir on the inside of you. When this begins to happen that’s when you know it’s time. Time to do a self-check of sorts. In our home, I hold peace at the highest level. I live by the PEACE CODE. If there isn’t any peace in my home. I know that there is a problem brewing on the inside of me or in someone in the house. As women, we have this sixth sense. As my husband puts it’s when your Spiderman senses are tingling. I know then it’s time to re calibrate and think about what is going on in my heart.
Suddenly, the unexpected happens and we have to face it and catapults us to change our perspective. Recently, my eldest step daughter moved in after college summer break. It was unexpected because I didn’t know or told she was she was moving in. It left me unsettled and feeling a certain kind of way. I know what your thinking, I would feel some type of way too. If I wasn’t told about my stepchild or someone moving into my home. Yes, it was unsettling but, I began to face it day by day. Confronting every negative feeling in my heart. Because, I know ultimately that there is a reason why my “bonus” child decided to move in. There is a reason she decided to move in with her father at this time and not with her mother on summer break.
As step mother’s we often go through this kinda thing. Well, at least I do in my household. The battle of this is my child not yours. Even at times, it’s not said verbally. It is acted out in behaviors and actions. It leaves you as the stepmother feeling like your hands are tied behind your back. In my mind “blood” doesn’t define a relationship. A relationship is defined through time and trust being battle tested. This has been the challenge with the eldest “bonus” child. It’s because there is a level on unknowing. Where time still has to be put in to develop and form the relationship.
If you are wrestling as a stepmother with these feelings of frustration like, “I am.” Where you are starting from scratch with a child. It’s funny because I have grown through this before with my “bonus” teenage son. Where he often reminded me that I’m not his mother. It took almost six years for him to really love me. I know it is scaring you to death. As it is scaring me right now. Especially, building a relationship from scratch with a “child” who is really an adult. It’s easier to break the ice with a child because there isn’t any preconceived ideas in mind. You start on a clean slate. Sometimes, you just got to push past the awkwardness or the child’s inward preconceived notions to really love them.
It’s time to grab a hold of the secret to mastering what this may be. You may not be dealing with an unexpected move in situation, like I am. Starting a relationship from scratch isn’t easy. But, there could be something that is tugging at your heart. Leaving you discontent. When something is happening that we may not prefer at the time. Where it pushes you past your comfort zone. It is time to take note of what is going on, really! What is the discontentment revealing in your heart?
Contentment isn’t something that comes naturally to us. It is a learned behavior. It’s a skill that you have to take on and to craft just as Paul once did. He was locked up and still felt content when he wrote this letter to the church in Philipi. Paul stumbled on to the secret in jail. In this moment we must grab a hold of love. Where God is testing you through a situation to mother someone to bring a level of healing to a situation. As the step-mother, I am finding I just may be the link to help retain what may have been broken inside of a relationship.
I know what you are saying. I am tired. I don’t have anything left to give. I have fought this battle before and I don’t have the strength to fight it again. I’m begging you to give it just one more time. I am saying to you. Just what if? What if you are the piece or link that is missing? Even if it isn’t acknowledged in your home. As at times, it isn’t for me. If no one else tells you. You are needed and you are a valuable piece as a step mother.
And, do you know what?
If you take the time to take a deep breath. Breath in and out. And, take some time for you so you can understand the discontentment feelings raging on the inside of you. Just believe that these days are just a test and they won’t last for only that a season.
Oh, I am apart of a amazing Blab Talk session taking place this Sunday, May 22nd, 2016 at 8P.M. Est time. So, please sign up today to join in on the conversation as we discuss the importance of self care. As mothers, we constantly take care of everyone else’s needs. But, we tend to forget about how important to take care of our own needs. You can sign up here or click the picture below today!
There is no time like the present for you to walk into what God is calling you to become. It just has to be unveiled.
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About Syreeta Gordon
Syreeta Gordon is a mom blogger, freelance content writer and social media strategist that works alongside small businesses, helping them craft their message and build their reputation to broaden audience and create leads. Her passion is to empower women that feel stuck to get out of their own way!