Sometimes, do you feel lost- Lost in the everyday doing of being a good wife, mother, daughter, sister or Christian. Spending time worrying about the everyday doing along with maintaining the house, the kids, keeping your marriage afloat. You can forget about keeping YOU, YOU…Yourself happy! It seems you have gotten lost in keeping everyone happy. Can you even remember what you want? Instead, you feel you are stumbling into a never ending spiral of feeling unappreciated or not being heard.
How do you get you back? Where are you? You cannot lose YOU because there is power in not losing yourself…
I recently, have been reading a book that absolutely has changed my LIFE. It has put me on the road to freedom. Where I can finally see myself clearly. I wasn’t able to put my finger on what exactly my problem was. I just knew that there was something off. I started to have a lack of interest in things, I was filled with anger and constantly feeling no one was listening to me. I kept pointing the finger at my husband and my kids. As my husband has often said, “If you have one finger pointing at someone be sure that three are pointing back at you.”
UGH! What the heck is going on here…
I thought I had everything that I wanted in life. I was educated, married and had a great home that any woman would give their life for. However, I felt incomplete. As Paula White once said, “You can not conquer what you can’t confront and you can’t confront what you can’t identify.”
This was me all up and down. I was walking in a fog and I didn’t even see it nor put my figure on what my issue was. The book that was a game changer for me was, “Codependency No More & Beyond Codependency” by Melody Beattie. There you have it. I found out that I was lost in a sea of co-dependency.
What is Co-dependency?
Great question. The best way I can define it is that most mothers and caretakers fall into this category without even knowing it. It is different on a case to case basis. It’s when we allow other people’s behavior affect us by trying to control it and obsessing over something that we can’t control. It begins to take you into a whirlwind of helping the un-helpable and plain self-abandonment. As co-dependents we have to begin to recognize that we played a part in this self-victimization.
What does this mean you may ask? You have to begin to separate yourself. I’m just wired in a way that when I love someone I loved them hard. This ranges in my hovering effect over my children and at time my husband. I had to realize that detaching doesn’t necessarily mean detaching from the person. You have to allow God to control the things things you have no control over. Free yourself from getting involved in the problem.
Set Goals & Get A Life!
Sometimes as mothers we can get lost in the caretaking. What were you like without the husband and the kids? I started a journey of finding out who I am and what I really want. Not based on what my family wants. It was time to take a deep look inside to find out what are my hopes and dreams. Somehow, it got lost in the obsessing and controlling my household. I started to list and write goals daily of the things I wanted to achieve. While patting myself on the back for the good things that happened week to week.
I know you feel guilt for the smallest of things. I felt guilty for getting my hair done. I know how ridiculous that sounds but, it is true. It’s time to find out what you enjoy again. We have to take time for ourselves. It’s not selfish to feel this way. But, it is a must for your mental and emotional survival.
One way you could start to care for yourself is to splurge on yourself every now and then. Put a little money off to the side where you could enjoy a bubble bath alone in peace. Create your own retreat. Where you can begin to see yourself and think clearly…
Think about the next time you begin to obsess about something that isn’t going right in your marriage or with your children. Stop, for a moment. Start to think about the power in not losing yourself. Just think of how powerful, you will feel once you say to your husband. We may have to agree to disagree for now. Please give me this time for me to focus on me.
This is the time where the rubber meets the road sort of speak. Where you stop yourself. And, ask what do I want? –Disclosure: This is a affiliate post that contains affiliate links.
Today, I will take the time to enjoy my Pampered Mommy Box. It’s the ultimate mommy subscription box. Packed full of goodies tailored for mommies like us.
You will begin to discover you again without feeling guilty about it. A few weeks or months from now, you will pat yourself on the back for taking back control of you. When you were once spiraling out of control.
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About Syreeta Gordon
Syreeta Gordon is a mom blogger, freelance content writer and social media strategist that works alongside small businesses, helping them craft their message and build their reputation to broaden audience and create leads. Her passion is to empower women that feel stuck to get out of their own way!