True Intimacy: “Does Sex Really Matter?”
It’s really hard for us to fathom becoming one with someone else. It’s a scary thought to allow ourselves to be that vulnerable to allow anyone in to share all of us. I mean the good, the bad and ugly of us. It lead me to think about the meaning of true intimacy and to question if sex does matter? As individuals it is only human nature for us to think of ourselves first. Our own wants, needs and desires are always on the forefront of our minds at all times, right? When it’s time for us to begin to give ourselves away. We turn around and wait for the return. It seems an automatic, “Well, what about me?” Are shots ready to be fired back just when we begin to give a little piece of ourselves to anyone.
It lead me to question, What is true intimacy? And, does sex really matter?
In my marriage, we definitely struggled with intimacy. I felt like my husband and I weren’t connecting the way we use to when we first got married. We both began to feel emotionally and physically neglected in the relationship. We were just passing each other by. Conversations began to become dry as the dessert. Every topic of conversation became more and more about bills and kids. (Deep Sigh!) You can get so caught up in the day to day duties of life. You will forget the reasons that brought you together in the first place. We started to just lose us.
Think about the next time your marriage or relationship hits this dry season. You have to get back to the heart of intimacy.
What is Intimacy?
The main issue most of us struggle with is digging deep intimately with someone. When I looked up the definition of intimacy. It’s defined in Dictionary.com as 1.) State of being intimate 2.) A close, familiar and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group 3.) A close association with or detailed knowledge or deep understanding… These are just a few of the definitions. One of the later definitions is sexual intercourse. Which I now believe is the icing on the intimacy cake. It is a state of becoming one with the one you love. As I like to define it as In-To-ME-See! You see right into the persons being and you know every part of them emotionally, physically and spiritually. The beauty of marriage is you’re on a continuous conquest in this discovery. As we are diving in to learn the other persons heart and desires.
As Mark 10: 7-8 puts it, “ For this reason a man shall leave behind his father and his mother and be joined to his wife and cleave closely to her permanently, And the two shall become one flesh, so they are no longer two, but one flesh.”
There are times that we think that we are yearning for sex but, what we are REALLY yearning for is intimacy….
Getting Sex Confused with Intimacy
There are times where you can be connecting physically to a person. You later feel just as empty after sexual intercourse with your partner. You may feel unsatisfied. This feeling comes from the lack of intimacy. We can get sexual intimacy mixed up with actually connecting intimately with your partner. You may be saying this sounds confusing. But, actually it makes a whole lot of sense. You will later find as you communicate deeply the missing pieces that were left behind. You must take the time to connect with your partner emotionally. Find out their “love language” and begin to really tap into what makes them tick. Connecting is more than physical. Observe what they are interested in and get involved. Once you connect to their pain points and their desires they are a open book to you. As you rediscover the missing pieces of their heart. Which you cannot touch on the physical level.
As women we are designed to fit the role of the helper….
Be the Helper You Are Called to Be
This can be a bit confusing to most wives. You may feel you are helping enough. We help with the cooking, cleaning, organizing and taking care of the kids, etc. But, we were uniquely designed to be so much more. As women we set the tone of our homes. There is a reason we behind us being the multi-taskers.
As Genesis 2:18 states, “ The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
We gotta find the joy in helping instead of complaining about it along the way. It’s necessary for us to embrace this part of who we are. As we are there to bare some of the load off of our partners. Start to serve your husband and family as if you were doing it for the Lord. Not as you are doing it at your own will.
I know…it can be difficult. Especially, when we may feel unappreciated for the work that we put in at times. You may give your all. And, they give only a portion of themselves. I know you are getting sic and tired of it. But, remember it isn’t about you. There is something bigger at stake through cultivating intimacy. And, it is to leave a legacy…
These are the times that squeezes the best out of us. The reward will be coming later.
Today, is the day to step out. Get a fresh perspective on what true intimacy it about. Sometimes we got to take the “I’ out of the equation for a “We”. As we begin to serve our partners with a fresh perspective. You will begin to witness the changes in your relationship.
As the dry season will begin to flow with living waters.
And, just take a few minutes at the end of the day. Begin to serve your partner in an intimate way. Personally, I gave my husband a massage of his legs and back. In the end, I was blessed with a moment of an uncommon silence. Once your intimate on a new level with someone those awkward silences aren’t as awkward anymore. Intimacy goes beyond the physical. It ushers in a new closeness that you may not have experienced before.
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Syreeta Gordon is a mom blogger, virtual assistant, freelance content writer and social media strategist. Her hope is to guide women and families by educating, inspiring, and guiding mothers to make sound decisions in their life’s journey. Where they will receive assistance in guiding them to attain their life’s goal.