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Why is Apologizing so Hard in Marriage?
Why do I always have to morph into the bigger person? Go..Go…Power Peacemaker! Maybe, my generation would get this analogy. Power Rangers use to be one of my favorite childhood television shows. These regular ol’ teenagers turning into galactic powerful superheroes that use their powers to go into battle. Every disagreement that I go through at home. Someone has to take on the morphing in order to ease the tension. It is a constant struggle as we compete for who is right and who is wrong in marriage. It’s even harder to begin to apologize and admit that you are wrong. Are you wrong? Do you believe that you are the one that is backing down for the sake of maintaining peace?
This is the real question that has been hitting my heart lately. Why is apologizing so hard in marriage?
Irritation Does It Exist
In marriage there is something your spouse seems to be irritating you about. Sometimes we can ignore the irritation. Days may roll around where you feel like I can no longer live with this irritation for another day. It’s even more irritating that they think or believe that the irritation doesn’t exists. It’s all in your mind, right? As you know a small irritation can grow to become a major issue later.
Apologizing: Taking Higher Road
It is so hard to admit when we are wrong. I know even as a kid when I was caught doing something that I had no business doing. I tended to shift that blame on my brother or sister or better yet make a BOLD face lie to get out of the consequence of the matter. This same behavior sometimes seeps into our adult relationships. If we admit that we were wrong in the fight. The person that remains angry leverages the power of the one that decides it’s best to just give in. Giving in for the sake of, LOVE. Because, in the bigger picture of things this little disagreement or irritation doesn’t mean that much. In the grand scheme of the health of the relationship.
The person that chooses to hold on to the insult and irritation. As the anger continues to boil up in the insides of your heart. Anger clouds our judgement against our spouse. It forces us to believe the lie that you are replaying in your mind over and over again. You begin to take it as the truth. This falsity damages your soul. It ultimately damages your spouse. It will weave a web of deceit that will begin to make wedge that will distance you further apart.
Is it worth it?
Forgiveness is the key. It’s hard to break being mad at your spouse for perhaps very good reasons. If your husband is doing things that you can’t seem to bear to live with. Just stop and ask God to give you the grace to be able to forgive him. Ultimately, you are fighting for your family and for your marriage. One small rotten apple can ruin the whole entire bunch. Remember, it is worth it and we must let go of those negative feelings that are holding us bond.
Today, remind yourself that you are going to choose something different. Just because you decide to be the one who apologizes first, it doesn’t make you the weaker link. You are actually the wiser one in the relationship.
And, do you know what?
Actually, I was the one that held in to the anger. My husband was the ONE that was able to be the BIGGER person. He was able to apologize first and admit his wrongs. I know it took a lot for him to be able to take that step. This selfless step that he took has taken us a step closer to keeping the LOVE alive. Take the better way. Sometimes, in marriage we go through seasons. This book gives you great clarity in your relationship. Check out this good read, “The Four Seasons of Marriage” by Gary Chapman Click here for more.
“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has grievance someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”- (Colossians 3:13)
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Syreeta Gordon is a mom blogger, virtual assistant, freelance content writer and social media strategist. Her hope is to guide women and families by educating, inspiring, and guiding mothers to make sound decisions in their life’s journey. Where they will receive assistance in guiding them to attain their life’s goal.